If I Worked At The Pharmacy

CRUSH TABLETS UNDER ONE DOLLAR BILL WITH BASE OF LIGHTER, COOK CONTENTS OF TABLET WITH WATER IN TABLESPOON, ABSORB LIQUID FROM SPOON WITH COTTON SWAB, TRANSFER CONTENTS OF SWAB TO HYPODERMIC SERINGE, INJECT CONTENTS OF SERINGE INTO LEFT ARM. MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. ALCOHOL AND THE VELVET UNDERGROUND MAY INTENSIFY THIS EFFECT.

POUR CONTENTS INTO A SMALL PLASTIC SANDWICH BAG, PLACE SANDWICH BAG OVER MOUTH & NOSE AND INHALE DEEPLY. DEFINATELY OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY, IT WILL BE FUNNY LATER.

TAKE ONE TABLET BEFORE ENTERING NIGHTCLUB, DRINK THREE GIN & TONICS, LOOK AT YOUR WATCH AND SAY "IT'S NOT WORKING," TAKE TWO MORE TABLETS IN THE BATHROOM, DANCE FOR TEN MINUTES, SMOKE EIGHTY CIGARETTES OUTSIDE AND TALK ABOUT KAFKA FOR THREE HOURS WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

PINCH POWDER FROM SMALL PLASTIC SANDWICH BAG ONTO COMPACT MIRROR, MIRROR REMOVED FROM WALL, GLASS COFFEE TABLE, OR FRANK ZAPPA CD CASE. BREAK POWDER INTO AN EVEN FINER POWDER WITH YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE, STUDENT ID, OR BARNES & NOBLE GIFT CARD. ROLL A TEN DOLLAR BILL INTO A TIGHT TUBE. SWEAT A LITTLE BIT. INSERT SAID BILL INTO NASAL CAVITY AND INHALE POWDER. WRING HANDS, SWEAT MORE, SMOKE EIGHTY CIGARETTES AND TALK ABOUT KAFKA (OR TUPAC) FOR THREE HOURS WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND.