Well Hello Again

Well, it's been ages since I've written anything, but here we are again, in front of our computers, me typing, you reading, perusing the Reuters "Oddly Enough" section, looking for an actual rock from the Agrocrag (GUTS), looking at that You're The Man Now Dog website (ytmnd.com) and being confused, disappointed, and confused again, whatever the hell else there is to do with the internet, porno, etc. etc.

Oh my, I have so much to say and yet I really don't want to get into it. Ever feel that way?

Well here's one thing:

I was thinking about eye contact today. Isn't eye contact bizarre? It makes me want to believe in ESP or something. Maybe I just don't fully understand the physiological nature of the ocular nerves or something, but I mean, when I look at my cat is sitting across the room, playing with some neumenon (sp? Is that even a word? Google is telling me that it isn't a word. I thought it was.) and we make eye contact, the animal responds. I guess all animals (and people) respond to subtle physical cues, but eye movement is so evocative that it's terrifying if you think about it too much.

I saw the following people at the Berklee performance center tonight:

Eugene Mirman, Sarah Vowell, Dave Eggers, Rodney Rothman, Via Audio, Mates Of State, Peter and Davy Rothbart, Kevin Barnes, and Brian Poole (BP Helium)

Eugene Mirman is hilarious. As is Flight of The Conchords (HBO), a show he is on. Sarah Vowell's book I have read (The Partly Cloudy Patriot) was also very funny. Dave Eggers was funnier this time. The last time I saw him, he was talking about Sudan, and it wasn't funny at all. Rodney Rothman invented Fresh Step, not the cat litter, the fake boy band, and I strongly suggest you find them on YouTube. Via Audio wasn't that good. Mates of State were fun, and the girl is pregnant, which was sweet, then I started thinking about the possible effects of being in the uterus of a touring rock musician. I suspect they're all awesome. Davy Rothbart edits Found Magazine, which is brilliant because he just publishes notes, funny grocery lists, postcards, receipts, and the like that people find on the street. His brother Peter plays songs about some of the things they find (one classic is about a letter from The King Of Midwestern Nissan Racing to his long lost love). Kevin Barnes and Brian Poole are in Of Montreal.

Funny story about Kevin Barnes burning the bitch three rows in front of me:

As KB and BP are tuning their guitars, Eugene Mirman (EM) comes out to stall a bit. This is what ensued:

EM: So let's have a quiz while I stall... um... Anyone know how you survive a bear attack?
(Crowd Member 1): You play dead.
EM: Actually no, the bear will just eat you.
Bitch Crowd Member: You run into an Outback Steakhouse!
KB: (deathstare)
EM: (oblivious to the reference) Well, I guess maybe if you're counting on doors confusing the animal...

Now, the Outback reference I'm sure wasn't intended as an insult, but it was really insulting. For those of you who are unaware, about a year ago Of Montreal sold a song to be used in an Outback commercial ("Let's pretend we don't exist/ Let's pretend we're in Antarctica" became "Let's get Outback tonight/ something something something something something something), and KB actually wrote a letter and put it online promising to use the money from the commercial to stage an elaborate tour. I saw this tour, and it was ridiculous. At one point, Barnes climbed a ten foot ladder covered in a massive dress and sang a song. More bells and whistles than you can imagine. It was like Queen and David Bowie and Parliament Funkadelic playing for two hours and every single person on stage is on ten drugs you've never heard of. (NB: I actually made that joke when I was at the show, and I think my buddy Dave at uhaulit.blogspot.com may have already credited me with it. It was funny though, and I will milk it for all it's worth.)

Anyway, KB must have been a little bothered by the whole thing. Even if you put the cash you make into your artwork, you've got to feel like you've compromised yourself a little bit, anyone would feel that way. But no one can hold it against the guy, we've all got to make money somehow. In all honesty, my only reaction to it was "Shit, someone at Outback PR is pretty hip."

So this girl makes the comment, Mirman doesn't know what the hell is going on, Barnes is pissed. Everything gets set up, and Of Montreal gets set to play their first song:

KB: Who said that about Outback?
Bitch: (raises hand)
KB: How old are you?
Bitch: Twenty six.
KB: What do you do for a living?
Bitch: (inaudible)
KB: Oh, well good for you.

DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNN. Someone just got BURNED. I have to find a funny picture of a cat online and write something like "I'm in ur audience calling u out as an artist who compromises his principles and ur all making me look like the bitch I am."

I mean, the girl probably just wanted to be that person in the crowd who references some obscure thing the band did, making sure everyone can hear so that everyone, including the band can say "Oh, who was that, she's a real fan. I will applaud her, she is the greatest fan ever."

Didn't work out that way.

So let that be a lesson. Don't yell things at the band. God, I know, you're thinking, "But this will be so FUNNY!" It won't, man. It really won't.

That's the end of me, I'm going to bed, but it feels good to be writing here again. I hope you've enjoyed reading it.