Ask Me About My Thousand Yard Stare. It Didn't Sell On E-Bay, So I've Still Got It, And I Think We Should Talk About It.

So you guy's see the Patriots rape the Vikings last night? How sweet was that?

I went to a Halloween Party at my friend Steve's apartment this past Saturday, and it was a good time, all in all, but the one thing that I do want to make a note of is this costume that blew everyone else's out of the water.

There was a kid who went as MySpace, which was pretty good, but nothing beat the kid who went as a robot that should shoot fireworks out of his enormous robot penis.

I'm not kidding. Just picture this set of black spray painted boxes wandering awkwardly through the streets of Allston, shooting rockets out of a massive tube attached to the groin. It was amazing.

Tonight actually is the real Halloween, and from what I've heard, the wiccans are especially excited because this brand of Halloween only comes once every twenty years.

That could easily be a lie, someone just told me that (something about goats turning into huge bats the size of goats, killing other animals, but then we drink their blood), but whether or not it's true doesn't really matter, because even if it's got some kind of merit, we're still talking about wiccan's here, and they're completely out of their minds.

Their dark, small, minds.

You really want a good scare for Halloween? You know how it's always scary walking through cemetaries and shit? Try waiting until like 11 and then walking from Mass Ave to Forest Hills along the orange line path. The ghosts in the cemetary are really just your eyes playing tricks on you, but the insane drug addicts at Stony Brook are very, very real.

Uhhhhh! OOOOHHHHH! Boo! Giiiiivvvveeee Meeeeee YYooooouuuuurrr Sneeeeaaaakkkkeeerrsssss!!!

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I have a lot of aspirations. I'd like to win an award for something one day. I realized last night, lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, that I actually wouldn't want to win a Tony Award. Don't ask me why, I just don't find them appealing. I've got nothing against theater, it's just something about the Tony Award.